Bayla and Dylan, you may not know this but you surprised your mother and me when you arrived six weeks earlier than your due date. You both came out strong and healthy, but your mother almost gave her life to bring you into this world.
There were many nights that I sat in the darkness with you in the NICU, shedding tears in fear and uncertainty, praying for your mom to return to us from the latest procedure her doctors had taken her into the operating room to perform. And every time, she returned to us.
She experienced more difficulties over the past year than any person should ever have to endure, and she did it all for you, so please be nice to her, especially when your teenage instincts tell you otherwise.
Most of my life, I thought my purpose in being here was to effect as much positive change on as many people as possible.
Every major decision I’ve made since I was 21 years old was a reflection of that personal mission. I wanted to meet as many people as possible, travel as far as I could, and spread my impact as far as possible.
But then I brought you two and your mother home from the hospital. I laid each of you down in your cribs, and was overcome by a new recognition… that all I wanted in the world was right in front of me.
My ambitions were no longer in remote villages, they were laying on my chest trying to stop an attack of the hiccups. They existed in your tiny eyelashes, your dimpled chins, and your balled up fists the size of peach pits.
My world fractured when we brought you home, because I suddenly stopped caring about living big and instead realized I had nothing to prove to anyone except you two. And you two just wanted to eat, sleep and have your diaper changed.
For about a month I struggled with the disconnection between these two motivations. To live big or to live small? I wondered how many other parents have felt those emotions? Is it now selfish to live for my own aspirations, now that they seem to pale in significance to even a single moment spent with my children?
But then I started to watch your eyes. Those deep blue circles of exploration darted around the room with increasing control day after day, and I knew that soon you’d start to not just see shapes but you’d begin to recognize people too, and one of them would be me. You’ll begin to understand the world around you, you’ll start talking, and once those chunky legs start moving I’ll be chasing you until you run me ragged.
But no matter what I tell you to do, it is my actions that you will observe and learn from; my words will not travel beyond your ears, but my actions will reach the inner recesses of your hearts.
And far faster than I’d like, the torch will be passed on and you’ll start to wonder, “what’s my purpose?” The answer to that question will only be uncovered through exploration of life’s ups and downs, and it will be different for each of you.
My purpose is now focused on being the best man I can be for our family, and doing everything in my power to craft the best possible society for you two to make your mark within. As you grow older though, you’ll need to find your own way down the path to purpose.
You’ll find plenty of guidance in books and speeches, but the following five truths are the ones that I know will help you most.
1. You will love many people and they will love you in return. But the unconditional love your parents feel for you will always be everpresent.
2. Look for the best in people. When you do that, they’ll likely show it to you.
3. Your life is one of radiance. Shine brightly, be a beacon unto others, and you’ll overcome any darkness that you encounter along the way.
4. The best memories you’ll make will be the ones you fought hardest to create.
5. Remember that it’s okay to be different. If that little voice in your head tells you to zig when everyone else zags, follow it.
With love,
Your dad
If you would like to contribute something that you believe is most important for a parent to tell his or her child, please add below in the comments!
Purabi Das
Dear Adam,
I am reading your book, The promise of a pencil. To say your wisdom, poetry in prose, and sense of humility has touched the core of my soul would not even describe the extent of my feelings. I came to Canada from India a long time ago, unformed, eager to start a new life in a new country. Well, I have done that and more for here it is that I have really grown up. Reading your book reminded me, in a strange way, the number of people who worked at our house so we would have a comfortable life. Only when I left my country and started to do all that used to be done by someone else, in some cases young children, did I begin to question that lifestyle; although some of them did attend school up to that point where their parents could afford to pay their school fees. As recently as 2015 I was managing human resources for a non-profit organization in Toronto where I also mentored students, some of them newcomers to Canada, a very fulfilling job for me. But, I knew in my heart that I wanted to write, my true calling, and gave up my job to be a full-time writer. The most humbling experience I’ve had is when a young woman told me she was inspired to follow her dream (to pursue culinary art), after reading one of my articles in The South Asian News. I acknowledge that to inspire others is a huge responsibility, and one has to live up to it by example.
Congratulations on becoming a parent, hope all is well at your end.
Warm wishes,
Purabi Das
Andreas K. Giermaier
Hi Adam
I am so very touched and excited about you and your project, (and this awesome letter) that I did not share it on facebook or so.
I took it and translated some of the highlights to German so that more people (many more) will find out about your promising thoughts. (nope, I didnot dare to use your babies’ picture…) but linked to your original article (this one) and your pencils of promise-Project.
I’ve been blogging on Learning, coaching, training since 2007 have over 10k+ readers and reach via my fb sites about 50k. So I would love to interview you and talk about Pencils of Promise and how to live a fullfilled life by supporting others.
Have a look at my article and write me.
http://lernenderzukunft.com/gluecklich-leben-werte/
Greetings from innsbruck, Austria
Andreas
Michelle
If you and your wife talk about the significance of names that people’s parents choose, then one day your children will likely ask you how you came to choose a name for each. What attribute of their respective namesakes do you want your children to hear about first?
Lynn Meng
Thank you, Adam, for sharing this wonderful news. I wish you and your family all the best. I am currently using The Promise of a Pencil for the fifth time in a college ESL reading course. Having reread the book each semester and graded countless journal entries and related exam essay questions, I am quite familiar with your thoughtful mantras, wise insight, and refreshing sense of humor. Your children are so fortunate to have you as a father. I look forward to reading your next books.
John Scott
Welcome to the club Adam and congratulations! Hope Tehillah can have double time to recover as well! Enjoyed your post, whatever sacrifice you make for your new ones is worth it. As the old saying goes, Children make your days longer, your pockets emptier, your clothes shabbier, your nights shorter and your hearts happier and more fulfilled! Wishing you the best!
Nhung pham
Congrats Adam. It’s an amazing milestone in your life.
Catherine Wu
Congratulations!
I am so happy to have your letter and share your good advice.
Thanks, Adam.
Rüdiger,Wenzel
Dear Adam,
Thank you for letting us participate on your happyness and thoughts. As a threefold grandfather I send my love to your babies you and your wife.
One thing to add from my side
– always think twice before you turn your back to someone in anger –
Take care!
Rüdi
Gurleen Garcha
Congratulation on that and i am so proud of u and i wish i could meet them in my life
Jonathan Magnin
Beautiful, thanks Adam.
Alan
“…it’s my actions you will observe and learn from”. I’m so glad to hear your perspective on the struggle between the mission and the responsibility of being a parent. I had my calling hit me after I was already chasing my two (Gage &Reese) all over yonder and back. It’s a tough balance between the two, but I’ve found that honoring that calling has made me a better father and a better man than I thought I could be. They are our mission and therefore they are the reason why we must never lose our focus on our individual purpose…because that’s how they will learn to find there own!
Katherine
THX that’s a great anwsre!
virtual families 2 coin generator
balfrasz: "László Zoli is, minden tisztelet mellett, úgy tűnik minÅ‘ségi alapon sorol be sci-finek valamit, tehát amit értékesnek tart, az sci-fi, amit nem, az nem az."Pedig nem. Sem a csodaidÅ‘kben, sem a Beavatás szertartásában nem lényegi elem az sf, csupán dÃszletként funkcionálnak. Én ez alapján pöckölök valamit ki az sf-bÅ‘l, de hogy ez mennyire nem minÅ‘ségi megkülönböztetés, arra rengeteg példám lenne. Ott van mondjuk Bradbury: túlnyomó részt szerintem nem sf és nagyon kedvelem.
Don T. Haynes, Jr.
Dear Adam –
I am 65, a retired high school band director in Texas. I love your thoughts, and your work. I am thrilled to share with you that I quoted You in my TED xTALK, which can be seen on YouTube: THE MAGIC OF CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE. First and foremost, be a great dad & husband. ..always. And, when you can use your gift of words and human emotions to young people. I would be honored to talk with you on the phone some day. I am now a Life Coach ….my Web site is: http://www.igniteyourcourage.net / someday soon, I hope you will email me, or text me to say hello and maybe create a marvelous relationship as leaders and speakers – which is now my specialty. Blessings to you and your wife on the twins! That’s awesome, sir. Continue to let your light shine. America needs great voices like yours to speak to other millennials .
All the best — Don Haynes in Austin, TX.
Donhaynes2@aol.com
Theo Dimarhos
Congratulations Adam. What a miracle. I wish them health and true happiness.
The advice I’d share is “spend time with your grandparents, because they will not always be there.”
Geraldine
You mean I don’t have to pay for expert advice like this an?morey!
what did henry ford invent
Jai bhim Babanji, there is need to create an awareness of upcoming problem which is created by the state government . Because whatever the problem is created yet there is no any news paper which focused on it. Now a days there is need to focus on it.
Samantha Ferriere
That was soooooo beautifully written. You’re the best dad already 🙂
Christine
Beautifully and perfectly expressed. Thank you so much.
BTW, I have identical girls. Twins are amazing because even though they might be twice the work, you get twice the love. So happy for you and so glad your wife is recovering. Best wishes.
Adam
Excited for the twin adventure ahead!
Nyoca
Congratulations on your two bundles of joy and welcome to this crazy club called parenting.
My advice to you would be to be okay with being “good enough” there are NO perfect parents but the best ones are always there for you no matter what.
To your babies I say the motto that I grew up with as a Jamaican “out of many, one people” we are all people as individuals and each person is deserving of respect no matter their skin color, or socio-economic background. GODSPEED!
Adam
🙂
Steve Kohn
Congratulations, Adam. Well said. Best wishes to you and your wife and kids as you adjust to becoming a family together. Keep up the great work you do.
Joan
Buset dah tuh mbak2 resepsionis… minta di ajak ke kamar maksudnya kali chanx “Tapi bener yah jgn bawa perempuan ke kamar, ” <– ni masih ada kelanjutannya, cuma diucapkan dalam ha&0…t#822i;… ajak saya aja kok mas gpp.”( lu kan ganteng, kali aja bener2 kepikat sama lu tu resepsionis )istigfar akhi… istigfar…
Deborah L Smith
I got my boy first then my girl. These were the most important things I ever created and they changed my life for the better. I had already been on the “ship” twice and traveled around the world by air once, but three trips around the world didn’t prepare me for parenthood but it helped me settle down and be happy with those memories. When my girl went to an Indian woman’s home for day care and I noticed her girls were both beautiful and top students I asked her advice: She said “Be Strict!” it helped guide me and this May I will attend my daughter’s award of a Master’s degree in Education; she is a high school art teacher and she is just perfect! My son was in the Navy and he just finished some training in audio engineering. You will do best if you are liberal on ideas and super strict on their behavior! Don’t spoil them with too many purchased items; share your life experiences and remember to give them lots of pencils! Congratulations!
Maggie
Tohoducwn! That’s a really cool way of putting it!
Gail Cassidy
Congratulations, Adam!! They are so fortunate in having you as a father. You personify warmth, dedication, and love as proven by your many accomplishments already in your life. Enjoy every moment with the little ones. Time truly doth fly by!!
Wendy Natter
My Five (Six) Truths
It’s always above love.
Getting love. Feeling love. Learning to love. Recognizing love. Hurting from love (or lack of love) but it’s always about love. Love is expressed and felt in many forms. Compassion. Justice. Respect. Listening. Hugs. Romance. Forgiveness. Patience. Gratitude. Kindness. All of it equals = I am valued.
We cannot keep our eyes, ears or hearts open enough.
There no end to beauty; to places/way/people/situations to learn from; music that will stir your soul; you cannot run out of love; notice everything you can; be a life-long learner. Pay attention to nature – people – your own thoughts and feelings.
Do and help whenever and whenever you can…
and always give a little more than you think you can. You will never miss it and it will make a world of difference on the other end.
Learn to manage your money.
Not because being rich is the goal, but because the peace of mind you will have in knowing you can always pay your bills, will have food to eat, a place to sleep and a car to drive will make a world of difference. It will free up a lot of energy spent on worrying, and working, and robbing Peter to pay Paul to be better in this world.
Say it!
Always let that compliment, or thanks, or kind word leave your head and be heard out loud by the person that inspired it. Do not be embarrassed to share a heartfelt, positive emotion with another human being, even if they are a stranger.
Don’t say it.
If it is hurtful, mean, gossipy, know-it-all, keep it to yourself. It won’t make someone better. It will make you worse.
Marion Rubenzahl
to Wendy Natter
Your “Say it” and “Don’t say it” are among the kindest words I’ve ever heard.
Bless you for your loving heart.
Vincent Martello
Adam: I remember taking my new born daughter out to the living room in the middle of the night, to give her mom a break, and dancing to Aretha Franklin’s slow ballads followed by lying down on the couch and placing her on my chest as she drifted off. All the time thinking, it truly doesn’t get any better than this.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Peter La Farve, one of the early founders of the Jesuits, who said “Seek grace in the smallest things and you will find the grace to hope for, believe in, and accomplish, the greatest things.”
They are in good hands.
Paulina
At last! Someone with the insight to solve the prelobm!
http://www.route66whitemountaingeotour.com/
Thanks for the guidelines shared on the blog. Yet another thing I would like to say is that weight reduction is not information on going on a fad diet and trying to get rid of as much weight as possible in a few days. The most effective way to lose weight is by taking it slowly and gradually and obeying some basic ideas which can make it easier to make the most from the attempt to shed pounds. You may realize and already be following some of these tips, but reinforcing awareness never hurts.
Michele Joseph
Congratulations Adam.
Welcome to parenthood – the hours are lousy, but the reward is priceless! Having children changes your world forever. Parenthood makes you a more selfless person, a more protective person and a more grateful person. I wish you and your lovely family the best.
Adam
Glad to be a part of the club Michele!
Alexandra Nash
That you are enough and great the way you are. If you want to live differently do so. Dream big. Love hard. Laugh more. You can always make a diffrenece every day for someone. Thats is what im trying to tell my daughters Freya & Harlow. Beautifully written and all the love to your family. Love Alex
Adam
Beautiful advice, thanks for sharing.
Beatrice
Big help, big help. And sutplraeive news of course.
Mark Johnson
Thanks Adam for sharing your heart through your words. And congratulations on the birth of your beautiful twins, a girl and a boy, what an incredible blessing. I am not surprised…twins….Adam Braun always goes big!!
Much happiness and joy for all of you!!
Mark Johnson
Adam
haha that’s the truth
Trudy
Good point. I hadn’t thgohut about it quite that way. 🙂
Luise
I read this with tears in my eyes! So beautiful! I hope Tehila is all good now and I wish the new parents all the best and say hi to the little ones! Thanks for sharing this, Adam. You surprise me everytime. Thank you for inspiring me to live a better life with purpose every day.
Adam
Really appreciate your kind words Luise.
Jody
You’ve got to be kidding me-it’s so trntaparesnly clear now!
Suzanne Durant
Follow that small, still voice inside your heart and let it be your compass. I told my 7 year old daughter that two nights ago. It’s so vital to listen to your inner guide/intuition. Congrats Adam, enjoy the wild ride of parenthood, it busts you wide open:)
Adam
I have no doubt she’ll follow it Suzanne.
Michael Doustan
Brilliant! I couldn’t agree with you more.
The journey will continue to get better and better with each day. Embrace each moment.
Hope the entire family is well and healthy. Mazel tov on your twins!
Adam
Much appreciated Michael!
Laura
Adam, you have such a way with words. I am tearing up as I am deeply touched by your letter to your beautiful babies. They are so lucky to have you as their dad! Blessings to your sweet family, and I wish you much health and happiness in 2017!
Adam
Thanks Laura, I certainly feel like the lucky one!